When someone first really useful I do this, I assumed it sounded very self-involved, perhaps somewhat pathetic — was my self-esteem so impoverished that I needed to ply myself with compliments? (It seems that some days, in truth, I do.) But over time I spotted that what at first seemed facile was actually kind of revolutionary.
I’d tried practicing gratitude before and located it quite effective. You’re taking a couple of minutes to write down down belongings you’re thankful for — the kindness of a stranger, the best way your child looks at you whilst you’re reading a bedtime story, the smell of honeysuckle if you bike past that one tree. You remind yourself how lucky you’re, that whilst you’ve been fretting or regretting or despairing, all these good things and other people and possibilities are a part of your story, too.
With gratitude, you concentrate on things outside yourself. You do not forget that you’re not alone, that there’s more occurring in your life than what’s in your head, and this offers perspective. An appreciation practice entails eager about yourself, however it’s not the other of gratitude; it’s a refraction of it. It’s expressing gratitude for oneself, which at first feels conceited, but eventually, for me, has come to look anything but.
Left to its own devices, my mind will take stock of the day like a detective, on the lookout for things I did unsuitable, could have done higher or left undone completely. With an appreciation practice, I start with, “What did I do right today?” These are the behaviors and moments we tend to not linger on because they’re often the parts of the day with the least tension. They’re not the kind of headline stories you may think to inform someone when asked how your day went. They’re not amusing or annoying. They don’t really make for good cocktail party fodder.
However the cumulative effect of memorializing these situations, day after day, is you begin to see patterns in your behavior, to notice the positive effect you’re having on those around you. And if you see that, you begin to love yourself more. And who couldn’t stand to love themselves more?
