Self-Esteem vs. Self-Compassion: Understanding the Difference

An embodied understanding of self-esteem vs self-compassion is something we are able to arrive at through awareness and mindfulness practice. Discerning between the 2 is essential to living with real confidence and peace of mind.

We’re indeed our biggest critics. The human mind, genetically predisposed to noticing problems, tends to be very self-critical. On one level, this serves us by helping us grow. Nevertheless, constant self-judgment does more harm than good.

Typically, we correct for low confidence by attempting to boost our self-esteem. Keep reading and also you’ll learn why self-compassion is definitely far simpler with regards to perceiving ourselves as worthy of loving-kindness. 

With regards to differentiating self-compassion from self-esteem, it helps to know what self-compassion actually is. It will not be self-care or self-love, although those could also be involved within the expression of self-compassion.

Self-compassion is the act of tending to our own suffering with care. Sometimes, it’s easier for us to know compassion because it relates to a different. After we see someone hurting, a compassionate response includes wishing them to be free from their pain, or acting in ways in which make it so. It’s compassionate to want others to feel higher. We will do the identical for ourselves.

Offering ourselves self-compassion requires three essential components. First, we have to be mindful of our own discomfort, pain or suffering. Secondly, we recognize this pain will not be ours alone because we’re bad or unworthy. Reasonably, it’s a shared human condition. Finally, we extend loving-kindness to ourselves, the identical way we would to a different.

Most of us are habituated to being hard on ourselves, especially in our most difficult moments. When faced with discomfort or pain, we may feel guilt or shame. We may speak to ourselves harshly with words of self-blame, self-criticism or self-judgment. Responding to harm in this fashion, nevertheless, only makes us feel worse. 

Do that repeatedly, and it might probably result in deep self-loathing, depression, and anxiety around making mistakes or not being liked. We will turn this around by learning to switch our self-punishing behavior with real self-compassion. With practice, self-compassion changes our lives for the higher. 

Research supports the notion that there’s a strong link between self-compassion and well-being. Those that rank high in self-compassion experience less depression, anxiety, stress, and suicidal ideation.

Researchers generally define self-esteem as “an overall feeling of self-worth.” It’s “the degree to which the self is judged to be competent in life domains deemed essential.” High self-esteem was once considered a measure of psychological well-being, but researchers today usually are not so sure. The cons of pursuing high self-esteem may outweigh the professionals. 

Self-esteem differs from self-compassion in that it depends on the stories and beliefs we hold about ourselves, which can or will not be true. What’s more, to manifest such feelings of worthiness, we may depend on avoidance, external circumstances, and comparison to others.

For instance, to guard our feelings of worthiness, we may dismiss constructive negative feedback. We may get indignant at those that dare indicate our flaws or how we can have hurt them. After we resist taking responsibility for our actions, it only results in more harm, hindering personal growth and alter.

Self-esteem not only arises based on how we see ourselves, but can go up or down based on how we perceive, and compare ourselves to, others. This too, perpetuates harm. It keeps us in a paradigm wherein we’re separate from others, and have to be seen as higher than, to take care of a way of confidence and worthiness.      

In line with mindfulness and self-compassion researcher Dr. Kristin Neff, self-esteem vs self-compassion poses a transparent distinction. Self-esteem is positively related to public self-consciousness, social comparison, anger, self-rumination, and even narcissism. Self-compassion, however, has a stronger negative association with each of those traits.

Self-esteem is unstable. It depends on our thought patterns and beliefs regarding external conditions. So, maintaining high self-esteem is difficult. Self-compassion will be stabilized with practice. It will not be depending on us feeling unique or higher than others. With self-compassion, we generally is a flawed human being, identical to everyone else, and still be ok with ourselves.

To grasp what makes self-compassion so different from self-esteem, we are able to look again at what defines self-compassion. The next relies on Dr. Kristin Neff’s self-compassion vs self-esteem research.

Self-compassion is rooted in our willingness to just accept the reality of this moment, even when painful. Self-esteem, nevertheless, relies on us identifying with our beliefs about ourselves. Overidentification encourages us to look away when reality challenges those beliefs. It keeps us closed minded and sometimes unwilling to grow.

Self-compassion reminds us our hardships are never ours to bear alone. As humans, we’re each perfectly imperfect, and it’s perfectly okay to make mistakes. Self-esteem relies on us feeling separate and special, which may keep us feeling alone. Measuring our value in relation to others can be a recipe for hurt.

Self-compassion invites us to practice self-kindness. We try giving ourselves grace, speaking kind words to ourselves, and tending to our pain. Self-esteem, however, necessitates continual self-judgment. We grow to be more more likely to get stuck in self-rumination as our constant self-evaluation becomes pathological.  

The beauty of compassion is that it’s omnidirectional. The more we practice self-compassion, the more capable we grow to be of extending compassion to others, and vice versa. Self-compassion may help improve our relationships by fostering greater empathy and deeper, more meaningful connections with others.

A 2021 meta-review of 72 research articles on self-compassion and relationships found those with higher levels of self-compassion usually tend to experience secure attachment. Higher self-compassion is related to healthier friendships, family, and romantic relationships, wherein conflict is constructive and repairable. 

Inside families, evidence suggests self-compassionate parents are more willing to vary their parenting behaviors in line with their child’s needs. Their children usually tend to exemplify self-compassion too.

Kristin Neff is a mindful self-compassion researcher. Currently an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology on the University of Texas at Austin, Neff has a BA in communications from the University of California at Los Angeles (1988) and a PhD in moral development from the University of California at Berkeley (1997). 

In 1997, Neff began practicing meditation within the Buddhist tradition.She decided to research self-compassion – a central construct in Buddhist psychology and one which had not yet been examined empirically.

Along with her pioneering research into self-compassion, she has developed an 8-week program to show self-compassion skills. This system, co-created along with her colleague Chris Germer, a guest teacher within the Mindfulness Exercises Teacher Certification Program, is named Mindful Self-Compassion. Her book, Self-Compassion, was published by William Morrow in April, 2011.

In the next video by Kristin Neff, self-compassion vs self-esteem takes a front seat. Neff explains why we would prefer to practice the previous.

For a lot of us, self-compassion warrants practice and cultivation. In the method, it’s common to face obstacles and challenges. We will overcome obstacles to self-compassion by reminding ourselves that this too, needn’t be done perfectly, or all of sudden. 

Step one in cultivating self-compassion is to just accept that we’re hurting, that there’s a pain to be addressed. This alone is understandably quite difficult for some. With a loving awareness, we are able to begin to bring mindfulness to the ways wherein we suffer.

It could help to recollect there’s no should be comfortable on a regular basis, and that suffering is a component of being human. What’s more, we want not face our suffering head on. We will baby-step our option to accepting our condition, addressing what we’re feeling little by little, or by titrating out and in of our practice.

Let the next resources assist you cultivate self-compassion, versus self-esteem. May they assist you to supply yourself grace in times of hardship.

We will boost real self-esteem by taking esteemable motion, equivalent to telling the reality, fulfilling our commitments, or being of service to others. Nevertheless, the research shows that to be ok with ourselves, worthy and cared for, it’s less effective to cultivate self-esteem vs self-compassion. When self-compassion is high, we’re way more able to maintaining a gradual, positive view of our inherent worthiness.